Image via WikipediaRichard Hall, over at Connexions, in Britain, recalls a version of "Amazing Grace" if it were composed by Arminians and finds one as if it were composed by Calvinists -- in a satirical way.  He remembered part of it and then found the whole thing over at Challies. 

Arminianism, for those a little rusty, really stood apart from the Calvinists in believing that grace was resistible and that persons are not predestined to believe but believers are predestined to be with God.  (It's amazing what a little refresher in Wikipedia will bring).  People fought long and hard about this, with the Calvinists saying Arminians (including John Wesley) bordered on "works righteousness."  I recall a story of someone pointing out to Wesley the words of "Rock of Ages" saying, "NOTHING in my hand I bring, only to the cross I cling."  And I recall Wesley's critique of a traditional understanding of predestination, saying, "If predestination is really true, then why do I stand here preaching if it doesn't matter and it's all predetermined who will believe.  It was really Wesley's understanding of prevenient grace that stood at the border of these two theological perspectives.

As said above, there were a lot of heated arguments about these differences and you can still find them today.  So, it was with great interest and much giggling that I read Richard Hall's post at Connexions today which includes a theological smackdown between Arminiansm and Calvinism through parodies of "Amazing Grace."  These are funny.  But more, they get at theological critiques each side had/has of the others.

So, the (satirical) Amazing Grace for Arminians (found at Challies.com) is:

Arminian “grace!” How strange the sound,
Salvation hinged on me.
I once was lost then turned around,
Was blind then chose to see.

What “grace” is it that calls for choice,
Made from some good within?
That part that wills to heed God’s voice,
Proved stronger than my sin.

Thru many ardent gospel pleas,
I sat with heart of stone.
But then some hidden good in me,
Propelled me toward my home.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Because of what we’ve done,
We’ve no less days to sing our praise,
Than when we first begun.

Nice, huh.  And while us good Arminian Methodist may say that this "works righteousness" version of "Amazing Grace" is a long way from how we really understand grace, I think it's imperative on us to hear the critiques and reaffirm that it is God who saves us and not something we do ourselves...and how it happens.

Richard Hall,  comes up with his own parody, poking fun at extreme Calvinism which often appears to make grace anything but "amazing" or "graceful."  In an extreme form, Calvinism can appear to put forth a distant and cantankerous God who randomly assign persons to heaven or hell on a whim.  There's no room for works, clearly, with this perspective, but it seems to remove all of life and faith from the equation as well. 

Here's Richard Hall's Calvinist rendition, with tongue firmly planted in cheek:

Amazing thought! You call it “grace”
That saves and damns at whim?
That blinds the lost, condemns a host
And turns them into toast?

Tis “grace” like this that makes me fear
This “grace” my fear inspires:
Whatever I may think or do
I’m fuel for his fires.

The dangers, trials and snares I see
Are all illusory:
I’m either picked before I’m born
Or else, I’m history!

The Lord has promised naught to me
If I’m not on his list
If this is grace, how bad’s the curse?
I’m going to get drunk. 

Richard Hall makes me think and has one of the more accessible and theological Wesleyan blogs out there.  He's a Methodist minister in Wales.  Well worth your time.